I’m perched on a concrete bench, feet tucked underneath me like I’m in my living room and this gray slab is a rather lush, velvet couch. I’m finishing up a call with the leadership team, Coach Kathy praying over all of us. Last I heard she was in a waiting room getting blood drawn, is she still in there, I wonder? I turn my head to the left and find myself inches away from a pair of eyes looking intently into mine. I smile wide, surprised as I pull my head back a bit to get my bearings…ah! I recognize her! She came and asked me for money when I was on my call last week too! She asks me for money in Spanish, I think she’s telling me that she’s trying to get to Antigua? I look at her and a fierceness wells up in my chest, I need to know if she knows the Lord. Using google translate, I ask if she knows Jesus, and I see that she’s shocked. She nods her head, slightly unsure of herself. I ask some follow up questions. Does she know that His love is unconditional? That everything she’s ever done is covered by his blood? That He wants her, that she’s not too far away? With each question I ask she crumbles more and more until she’s shaking her head no. I tell her that that’s the Truth. “Jesus te ama!” I say, and I can tell that my eyes are burning.
She doesn’t know.
She doesn’t know.
She doesn’t know.
She’s ashamed of something. She knows that she’s far away from God, but she doesn’t know why, or maybe doesn’t want to give up whatever it is that’s keeping her from giving in to the God who made her and loves her. As she sits on the bench next to me doubled over, I know with a deep knowing that this woman is thirsty and her soul is crying out for living water. We are doing our second night of Beauty for Ashes tomorrow, an event designed specifically for women to either be told or reminded of their worth in Christ Jesus.
When we are struggling, we don’t need a slogan or a mantra, we don’t need to refer to a self-help book or a quick little pick me up. This is a luxury many of us in the west can hide in, but this is not an option for the woman sitting before me, and it’s not a lasting solution for westerners either. Seated firmly in addiction, a story woven together with deep, deep pain and suffering, that is not enough. It’s not enough to take a trip to the nail salon, or to sit down for a nice meal, or to turn to an inspiring celebrity. It’s simply not enough. She needs the power that only God can offer. His power rests in His Word. In His Truth. She needs the restorative, reconciling, TRANSFORMATIVE power of the Gospel of Christ.
I invite her to join us up at the church to hear a teaching about who we are in Christ. Night two: Identity, perfect timing. As she stumbles through her days in a blur, completely consumed by addiction, a cruel parasite that will daily drain her completely and convince her all is lost, all is hopeless, that she is worthless, Christ extends a hand so tenderly to her. He’s still there. Even when she’s choosing to numb herself? He’s still there. He’s down on one knee before her again and again, and it just so happens that I got to get down on mine and extend His invitation with Him.
She agrees to come. I pray over her, holding her shaking body in my arms. This soul has been battered beyond belief, Satan’s nearly got her beyond recognition, but when I look at her I see tenderness, desire, and hope. Life can come back to those eyes. Hope to this soul. I’ve done what I could and I’m counting on God to do the rest.
I come back the next night at 7:00 to pick her up. My heart flutters as I turn the bend to the park…will she be waiting? Is she going to come? Is she really going to accept my invitation? I don’t see her at first, and I’m praying for her to show up. I see a familiar little crowd and wave my arms at her wildly, face lighting up immediately. She’s sitting with several men and I rush up to her and embrace her. It’s time to go! We start our walk, her son accompanying us up the cobblestone streets. It’s mostly uphill and sweat is rolling down our foreheads, masks trapping our breath close to already flushed cheeks.
We burst into the church and I seat her next to me. We begin the teaching almost immediately, but I’ll bet it felt like eternity to her as she sat inside a church for the first time in a long time. We introduce several women of the bible. Very human, very imperfect women. Women much like us! Women who went through hard things, who were disdained in their communities, who betrayed their people, who were prostitutes, who strived and tried to force things to happen their way, who had terrible family backgrounds, who cheated on their husbands. You get the idea. These are no Stepford Wives.
We read verses over each of the women and talk about embracing the Truth about God and who He says we are. We tell them to battle the lies that they believe with Scripture, because Scripture is Truth. At the end they each pick a verse to help them fight a lie they’ve believed about themselves. We also pass out cards made by a teammate, Ali, with one to three words on it. At worship, her head is bowed, and her shoulders shiver as tears slide down her face one after the other. Sweet release.
Shortly after dinner is served, she heads out of the church and I rush after her to say goodbye. She says thank you to me and gives me three holy kisses.
The next day, I went to visit her. The word she got on her card is ‘Hopeful’. In the natural, she has little to be hopeful for. She’s living on the street right now, she’s lost her job, has lots of debt, and is still struggling with addiction. But In Christ, Hope Springs Eternal.
Please join me in praying for a long term solution for my sweet friend. That God would provide relationships and connections for housing and a job, that she would be freed from every hellish, inisidious chain of addiction, that she would believe who God says she is and give up everything that doesn’t fall in line with God’s Word and God’s Will. I will get to see her again until I leave in a couple of weeks. I don’t care if she remembers me, but I really want her to remember Jesus Christ, who died for her, took her sins upon himself, and made the atonement for all the ways she has not honored God with her life so that she could come to God boldly and ask to be one with Him. In Him, she has an inheritance, a purpose, and a hope. Outside of Him is only the devourer, longing for someone else to destroy, lie to, ruin and consume. Please pray that she would turn from Satan once and for all and give her life to Christ who has the power to save.
You too, are loved. Turn to your maker who loves with a fierce, everlasting love.
