Grace(WHY ME?!?!!)

I prayed on our flight from Toronto to Haneda for words for the first four months. The one I go for Japan was grace. Here is a list of gifts that God gave me this month in just about the order that they came as far as I can remember them.

• Going to Ishinomaki, the place where I first met Jesus thanks to the Christian girls on my Young American cast living their faith in public

• I got switched to first class on our first flight for LITERALLY NO REASON

• It snowed when we arrived in town

• I met a lovely woman named Matsuko-San

• I was free for a moment from my insecurity about my singing voice and sang for her

• I experienced freedom in dancing as I worshipped in broad daylight

• I got to share my testimony without fear

• I got sick and felt so well loved in my weakness

• I saw Jesus come through time and time again in the job I get to do for my squad

• I confessed one of my deepest darkest to some of the girls on my squad, and they still love me

• I experienced complete and total freedom in worship in a night that was totally raw

• I got to see more of my squad’s hearts

• I went to a nursing home and sang and danced and got many pats, people laughing and loving and calling me “Miss America”

• Teaching a full day of dance classes to my amazing squad and some community members

• Seeing what it looks like to not people please quite so much.                    

Meeting Eiji and Kumiko who loved me so well for absolutely NO reason! THESE TWO!!!!! WHYYY?!?!?! THEY PICKED ME UP, GAVE ME A RIDE, CAME TO OUR LAST CONCERT, AND I FELT SOOOOO LOVED BY THEM. I sang them a quiet song in Japanese that I learned years before in a choral arrangement, a private concert for only two, what a sweet sweet moment. Laughing with them, crying to them, they went out of their way to come and be together even though I’d done NOTHING for them. They did everything for me, heaping love upon my head, over and over. They came the next day, the day we left with a gift for me. “We wish we’d met you sooner.” ME TOO!!! ME TOO!!!! This wonderful mama and papa are so loving, their hearts are huge!! I’m so grateful I met them!!!

AND MY TIME IN JAPAN WAS NOT EVEN DONE YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next, we stayed in Tokyo for one night before flying out the next day. Our WONDERFUL host dropped us off in Sendai for our overnight bus ride, which we made, (PRaISE tHE LAmB), then we arrived in Tokyo around 5:30 AM. I bummed around for a few hours with friends in my old stomping grounds. Then I went to meet up with some of the Japanese girls from my new kid class. I met up with the first one around 3:30, Miss Sayako. We went to sob at  A Star is Born, then met up with (RECENTLY ENGAGED)Lady Elly. My heart was overjoyed to be between these two ladies again. We shared, we laughed, we cried, I prayed, we connected again, face to face. It was GOOD!!! Next, Tomomi came up in her beautiful Queen coat. TWO YEARS SINCE I’D LAST SEEN HER!! GOD IS SO GOOD!! We embraced and started catching up, heading in for yakiniku. Our fourth member showed up, Princess Yuri-chan, and our pack for the night was complete.

We ordered meat and cooked it, yelling, laughing, sharing what was new. Then Elly picked up a little package that was for me. As I read, I could feel tears bubbling up all over again. Her and her fiancé, another close friend, Albert Herrera, asked me to officiate their wedding, which I joyfully accepted!!!!!!!!! What a beautiful thing to have friends that love you, that see God living in you, and that desire you to be in on all their fun. To be near, with walls down, and in honesty and vulnerability. They paid for my meal and for all of us to go to Karaoke. I felt SO incredibly LOVED.

God does not have to be this good to me. I have denied Him, I’m not always obedient, in fact I’m quite often more interested in keeping my heart safe than I am in doing what He asks. I am just a person, why does He give me His full attention, full audience at every moment. And why does He choose to use me? The last three times I’d been in Tokyo, I’d been flat on my face, used and abused. I was living a lie, believing it with my whole heart that I was useless and worthless. The most recent time, summer 2016, I was harboring a monster inside me. An eating disorder that secretly just nibbled away at everything I was and stole my heart. It nestled in comfortably and dictated my each and every move. Before I knew it I would’ve been willing to betray anyone, and anything to protect my little monster. Including God. And I did. Over and over.

BUT GOD!!!!! HE was bigger, and stronger, and WAY more faithful than I could’ve possibly pictured. He brought me back to the place where He first spoke into my heart and I first started falling in love with who He is. He SHOWERED me with grace and gifts in Japan. I can’t earn His love. He gives it freely.

The next day Tomomi and Saya came back to see my squad and I off to the airport. We had lunch together, a wonderful, passion filled conversation. They see the heart of God, how He does everything in love, the immovable truth of that principle. ”Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14.

He’s not done with me yet! He would love to be close to you!!

Thank you for keeping up with me on my adventures. I’m still fundraising my little heart out, even though I’m already on the field. If you are willing and able, I urge you to consider donating. My heart is on fire to serve and love the last and least. Please help me continue to do that. I really can’t do this without you. I ask for your grace as well. I don’t deserve it, I may never be able to repay you, but I will touch people because of your support. You will be my sender and provider. Thank you thank you thank you for prayer and provision. There are little pieces of my heart scattered all over the world, and I deeply hope that I can find more places to leave my heart this year!!!! God bless and keep you!

Ari