Raw Hope

I’m on day 4 of being in the Adventures in Missions office in Georgia! I’m getting all settled and adjusted and am so grateful and expectant of what’s next. As I bring you up to speed on the last few months, enjoy this blog from my week and some change in San Jose working with Til He Returns!! 

I rock into the legendary yellow house that has had demonic spiritual manifestations out the wazoo comfortable and at home. ‘Not in my presence,’ I think to myself confidently. We roll around here for a while unsure of where we’re going or what we’re doing now that we’re here.

Itchy and excited I dart over to the dance studio, pitter pattering down the stairs as fast as my legs will take me. We’ve arrived on the heels of a gnarley deliverance and we’re recounted the story of a girl with eyes rolling back into her head, smell of sulfur on the air, a chill sweeping the room, and sweet relief and freedom. Jose mentions the turn in power coming from a pivot from focusing on casting out the demons to speaking out God’s love for her. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I’m reminded how desperately I dislike demonic influence and how deeply I love to see people freed.

The first dance class starts as I bust a MOVE wholeheartedly until we hit the floor choreo which becomes a little too flirty for me to be able to do with a clear conscience, and without temptation being stirred up, at which point I MARK IT. Hee hee!

The second class is absolutely packed. A dance hall, history of hip-hop. I’m bouncing around enthusiastically in the back right corner, throwing all I’ve got into it. After this, people stick around free styling. I get to watch squadmates thrown into the mix, perfect strangers to me going in confidently, every movement telling a story. I’m thrilled, enthralled, wrapped up in everything that’s happening in this room. Things slowly clear out until there’s only one girl left. She invites me out onto the floor to dance with her and rusty skills and bones roar to life all at once, freedom washing over me to cut loose.

I’ve got a little bit of a fist shake at God feeling like: ‘WHY CAN’T I STAY HERE??????” Paula pulls me to the side, one of several in a row, and says she gets the impression that I’m supposed to stay with her team. I laugh at myself realizing that I never even really asked God, I just assumed because it was all too good to be true.

At the end of the night I grab my bible and put on a sweater, meeting back in the lobby of the center. There are about ten of us taking to the streets tonight. We set out into the dark, determined to bring light to wherever we go and whoever we meet. Right at the top, we realize a couple of us forgot masks, so we zip into a store. There, at the storefront, we maximize on time, spreading out to pray for, share with, listen to whoever we can. A group of three cross the road to pray over a man who’s causing a fuss. One crosses to talk to people waiting for the bus. I pray over a pair talking to a man perched on a big white bucket. Before I know it, a friend is near me being asked for money. Neither of us brought our wallets, but we offer to pray over the dude in front of us. He says he’s got pain in his knee or knees. As we pray, he says he feels the Holy Spirit working in his body. He says he’s a prophet and prophesies over one of our friends and stalks off.

The night rolls on and I feel alive in a way I haven’t in months, boldness and authority restored as I’m given permission to go and serve with these people that I met only a couple of hours prior. We lay hands on and share with as many people as we feel led to. The locals boys have a relationship with several of the people we run into. Lots of terrible stories everywhere we turn. Lots of hurting people with no where to go.

When we get back to the center, we spend a little time debriefing. Wowee, do I feel good. It’s been a long time since I got to minister outside of the body. Since I felt like I was working alongside people who are one in spirit, cut from the same cloth, birds of a feather. This is up my alley to the highest degree. People need hope. People need hope today. People need Jesus today, why wait? Why hold back? Why not ask some questions and share some love and invite them into the Good news and into our own hearts by so doing? My heart beats for this ministry and what they’re doing and their boldness breathes life back into me. Victoria and I head back to the house when we run into a man. He asks for food or money and she darts inside. I stand outside with him, asking some questions in my limited spanish and feeling an overwhelming sense of love for this man. In his eyes I see some wonder, some oppression, some darkness, some hope. Eventually, Victoria and I pray over him and then grab a couple of Spanish speakers to bring this thing to the finish line. As we ask about his home and family, he storms off after telling us he’s from about an hour away and that he isn’t able to return home since he went to the mental hospital. My heart breaks watching him stomp off. He looks so small and lonely.

We go back inside at the center to get prayed over after our interaction. We end up worshipping and giving words. I repent and cry in front of everybody in the room after admitting that I felt the green light to start delivering this stranger on the street and let myself get intimidated and didn’t instead. I’m heart broken that he’s still walking around oppressed when he could’ve tasted freedom. They all let me cry and repent, they pray over me and let me be raw in front of them. I feel no barrier. No intimidation. No holding back. No backing down. No need for control in anybody. The Holy Spirit is guiding and riding this one out with all of us and it is POWERFUL. I’m blown away by the leaders among these people, so hungry, so humble, so inviting of us to come and not only partake in what they’re doing, but to participate. They see the body of Christ and want to see it all activated. Can I say it again? My heart beats for this ministry.

I ended up getting home around 3:00AM, crawling into wonderful Paula’s bed and snoozing immediately until daybreak.

In the morning, I hop on a leadership call and clear my dream to return to this ministry before leaving Costa Rica. I get the greenlight.

We’re doing something called the ‘re-entry plan’. I sit down with two teams and walk them through vision casting for their return to the base. We laugh, I cry, we pray, we’re ready to rock. Their faces and eyes are clear and shiny and they look really, really good. I’m excited to have them back.

I float around through the day and then hop into more dance classes in the afternoon. Kev comes in during one and is hyping me up and I let out big belly laughs as I press on so I don’t get offbeat. I get to help them record the combo at the end of the second class, which wraps up right on time as the bus arrives.

Before we load up, we get a big group picture and then Jose stoops down and washes Tito’s feet on the steps of the bus. I’m openly shedding big fat tears as I watch stunned at the display of love between these two men. “This is what the church is supposed to look like.” I think to myself in awe of what I’m seeing in front of me.

When I return to San Jose, it’s more of the same. heart wrenching, world shaking Christianity on display for all to see. We get to stop by Casa Pan and interact with a family who has adopted…ADOPTED… HUNDREDS OF CHILDREN. AND SHE IS DOING IT WELL. I showed up into that situation honestly ready to see pain, neglect, not enough love to go around. Clearly the Spirit of God has something to do with that place because that is NOT THE CASE AT ALL. I’m still stunned. As she shares snippets of the stories of the kids they’ve taken in, I’m apalled at the cruelty of man and crushed on the behalf of so many of these children over and over again. She made a vow before the Lord that she would take in every child that came her way from the government and she has upheld it by the strength of the spirit. And she has never taken money from the government for this place to run. TAKE THAT IN. God is STINKING WILD I TELL YOU!!!!!!

I get to take lots of dance classes, remembering how much I love it. Of the three singing, dancing, and acting, dance was always my favorite, albeit the one I was weakest in. I find myself back in something I’m pretty comfortable in, which is a little supernatural. God has changed me in the last several years. I get to partner with teacher Jose a couple of times and have so much fun bringing what he created to life, mirroring him and copying him and bringing my own flavor to his choreo. Collaborating is waaaay more fun for me than I remember! How have I forgotten and hidden away such a deep love and passion of mine for so long? How can I use this to bring the kingdom to earth?

I also get to watch a cheesy Christian movie with Tito, Wags, Pablo, and Jose in the wee hours of the night. My latin heart can’t take all the twisting plotlines and I’m beside myself, immersed in the story, even with some of the goofy technical elements. WHO CARES?? SUCH REDEMPTION!!!!

Another day, I get to spend in prayer. One at a time, people come in and I get to prophesy over them alongside Jenna, Briana, Rachel, Jose. Things are getting crazy all over again, the spirit of god is moving. I’m having THE BEST TIME ministering in this way and it’s weird and wild and an absolute joy. Here, I begin to see how God is positioning me in partnership, playing off of other people in the room, moving together in one spirit with them. It’s amazing.

One time I get a tummy ache over at the big yellow house so I scurry over to the studio to dance it off. As soon as I get downstairs, I notice a girl go sit down on the sides. Jose asks her how she’s feeling and she motions to her stomach. He tells her to go get water and she sits out most of the rest of class. I know right then and there that I’m going to pray for her. I finish the class and get to partner Jose again which is waaaaaay more fun than it should be. Afterwards people are saying thank you to him and congratulating me and I walk over to her in the crowd. All of this is SURREAL.

“Are you a believer?”

“Yeah.” Beat beat. “No.” She smiles at me sheepishly. “I’m more agnostic.”

“Good.” I say. “That’s better than being dead set on something else. That means you’re open and seeking.” She nods at me. “How are you feeling?” I ask her, the empathy I have spilling onto my face.

“Oh, my stomach hurts pretty badly. I struggle with GJ%SIE-” She tells me. (I want to protect her dignity)

“Can I pray for you? Is it okay if I put my hand on your stomach?” She laughs aloud, a little delighted and gushes:

“You’re so cute! Sure!” I put my hand on her tummy and begin to pray a simple prayer that goes something like this:

“Lord, thank you for J, thank you for her life, for making her and that you love her. Jesus, healing is a manifestation of your Holy Spirit, it’s a way that you show your love to your people. Lord, right now I pray healing over J’s body. Body, I speak to you and I tell you to be healed. Stomach, settle down, anxiety leave, frustration leave. Be healed. Be still. Thank you Lord. You’re so good. I love you. Amen.” I felt my hand all buzzy and Holy Spirit hot as I prayed and when I open my eyes I’m met with two wide, round eyes, and a dropped jaw.

“I feel better.” she says after she collects herself. “Wow, I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before.”

“There are a lot of Christians that don’t step out in this way or believe this is possible. But Jesus is still alive. He’s still moving. He’s still healing. He cares about you and all these little things. Put this one in your pocket for Jesus being Lord.” I reply, heart bubbling over with joy that she’s been touched by the Lord tonight.

We worship one night no holds bar. It is FUN!! SO FUN!!!

We debrief our time in San Jose with Rachel and I can’t believe that it’s already over. I think back to meeting her at house church and how impactful her presence was to me. She entered in knowing she was welcome and had valuable things to say. She enriched our soil with her wisdom and presence. I yearn to spend more time with her and look forward to the time that I can.

Before I leave, I walk into a conversation about the next steps and what’s coming up in the studio. They’re heading to Gautemala, the States, and Japan soon. You could try to say that that’s just a coincidence, but I don’t believe in those anymore. I’ve determined to let God use me in whatever way He deems most valuable and worthy, and there’s a little seed and sprout of hope and direction that in some capacity, somehow someway, it will be here, related to what they’re doing and where they’re going. I know I’ll be back in no time, it’s just a stone’s throw away from Georgia!

Thank you to God and all His people at Til He Returns’s ministry and House of Raw. I’m shook. Won’t be the same. Ever probably. My faith and understanding of the Church just went up a notch. Y’all aren’t just kinda doing it, YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT! Blown away. Just a smoky little pile of dust now honestly.